December 5, 2007

A Question for My Male Readers

Posted in Office Hijinks at 11:27 pm by devilwearsbrooksbrothers

I work with a pretty busty group of women.  A fact that if I were still 13 and desperately waiting to “fill-out” might have me seething with jealousy, but now that I have had 16 years to get used to the idea that they aren’t getting any bigger I am pretty okay being surrounded by the buxom.

So the one day, we are sitting around Imelda’s desk talking about which attorneys won’t talk to you on principle and which attorneys will only talk to your chest.

“Really?” I asked.  I mean, I have met lawyers that didn’t think I could possible understand anything they were saying simply because “esquire” didn’t follow my name, but talking to your chest, I thought that was a workplace legend told to keep young assistants in frumpy looking frocks.

Imelda, bless her heart, asked in all earnestness “You haven’t noticed?”

I laughed, pointed at the place where my chest should be and said, “They don’t get a whole lotta talking to.”

So my question is, why? Why when talking to a well endowed female do you (and by you and don’t mean all of you all of the time but rather all of you some of the time and/or some of you all of the time) talk to her chest?

Do you think it is flattering?

Because it’s not; from what I have been told, getting catcalls from construction workers seems more endearing.

Do you think she doesn’t notice?

Because I am here writing to you that she does.  Sure, she might not say anything to you, and thus you feel like you are getting away with it.  But believe me she is telling all of her friends and co-workers.

Do you think she is asking for it?

Okay, I might give you this one given the right set of circumstances. For instance, since learning that this actually happens in the real world and not just on sitcom television, I have been wearing increasingly tighter and lower cuts shirts hoping someone will look down to talk to me.

Now, if I don’t hear from anyone I will be left to assume that this phenomenon is purely instinctual and that you are unaware that while holding a conversation you are not looking at her face but staring at her sweater muffins.

In which case, practice looking up, boys. Her eyes are a good eight to twelve inches higher.



  1. Pieter said,

    I often have to stop myself from losing eye contact with a woman due to her prominent bust. To be honest, I’m more of a face/legs guy and find that the only reason my eyes happen to wander down there is because many buxom women tend to wear really low cut tops with some or other pendant (usually heart shaped or a crucifix, pointing to their cleavage)

    The odds are if I met you and you were wearing a tight low cut top, I’d probably look, before remembering my good manners and looking at your face again.

    If a guys fly is open or his belly-button is showing (heaven forbid) you’ll notice, maybe even stare briefly (in my case the “breast-stare” only happens for a fraction of a second…umm..sort of..). Same principal, only difference being that not many men wear crop tops…

  2. Cedric said,

    I agree with Pieter. Many busty women tend to – intentionally or otherwise – wear outfits that expose a bit of cleavage that screams: “Look, look, look!” At my previous law firm, we had a couple of attorneys who were notorious for always scoping out the women showing cleavage. Some of the women liked the attention, but most did not and were highly offended. I did ask one in the latter group – when she griped about the oglers – why she wore the tops she did. She pointed out that it was summertime and she was wearing a top similar to what many other women in the office was. Her ‘measurements’, however, just caused her to be more noticeable. That made me a lot more sympathetic – and understanding – of her plight.

  3. Joe said,

    I don’t think I’ve ever talked directly to a womans chest. I think like most men you try to look, take a quick look, when there is no eye contact, but we’ve all been busted doing this. But if the entire package is right out & on display, it’s difficult for a raging hetero male not to look. We had a temp working in our firm who had so much on display it was borderline obscene. But, word spread like a wild fire and men from different floors were doing drive-by’s to take a look.

  4. Mike Esq. said,

    I’m interested to know what you consider busty. Are the women you work with C+? Do they trot around in plunging tops or super tight sweaters? Not being a pervert, just trying to give an honest answer.

  5. Donald said,

    We had a female attorney who became, shall we say, more “noticeable” when it was colder. (Particularly when she would wear one of her sheer blouses.) Whenever her practice group would meet in the conference room, the other members – all males – would lower the thermostat in anticipation. And did I mention that they were all Employment Law attorneys!

  6. Anon said,

    I have been an attorney a long time. I also would be considered in the D category if you will. I will tell you that I always wear a jacket and something that covers. In the summer, perhaps not a turtleneck, but as one woman mentioned, if you are of a certain size anything less may give some minor cleavage. I know that virtually all males may take a quick look – just like women look at men. They are not the problem – it is oglers – a different animal entirely. “Talking to the chest” as in the article is not a quick look. It is when a man is having a conversation with you and not looking you in the face at all for an uncomfortable period of time. It shows a lack of self-control and decency and is really, really uncomfortable. I have run into these types, and typically handle it by saying – “Can you talk to me up here, now?”. That works very well. If it is not an employee on equal footing, I have administration speak to them. It is harrassment to junior personnel pure and simple and men who think otherwise – particularly the employment lawyers in Donald’s email, should realize it is typically not welcome. Women just want you to act like gentlemen and if you feel you have to look, be discrete, don’t make women uncomfortable and don’t “talk to them.”

  7. Ben said,

    I suppose it was too much to expect that there would be no comments to this post, so that you could conclude, as you clearly knew all along, that “this phenomenon” is mainly “instinctual.” So, to belabor the obvious: Looks that are generally appealing are referred to as “attractive” because they attract. Some people, be they attorneys, paralegals, or construction workers, are unable or unwilling for a host of reasons to adjust instinctual behavior with the virtuous behavior of good manners. The rest is commentary.

  8. Rick said,

    I like boobs. Tee hee.

  9. Rachel said,

    Rick – then you must ‘like’ yourself a lot because your comment shows how big a boob you are.

  10. Lugosi said,

    I was recently car shopping and at one dealership I encountered a rather well endowed female salesperson wearing a somewhat lowcut blouse. Ended up buying five Buicks from her.

  11. Srw said,

    I once hired a drop-dead-buxom bombshell as an assistant. She came to the interview with a suit jacket so tight that I knew she was covering up something yummy. So, I made a point of looking straight into her eyes without even glancing at her coat, hoping that she would be more comfortable working with a guy who saw her for more than her breasts. Then she started coming to work with blouses so low cut that she practically fell out of them. She became such a distraction (we had guys hanging around her desk all day) that I had to move her to a “safer” office …with me. Its a good thing I’m disciplined because it could have been explosive. WHat I learned was this: as long as she knew I saw her as a serious professional, she was happy to flaunt herself (for me?). In the end, my wife found her a new job. LOL. But, first impressions mean a lot. I advise guys to stay disciplined and show genuine respect … she will probably be glad to have you appreciate her for the other reasons,.

  12. BraystreetBoy said,

    Since a girl’s body and hair should be her pride,of course she should
    wear low-cut blouses to the office so the boys can get a good look at
    the reasons she’s probably been hired.

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