September 27, 2007

Because Sometimes, “My Bad” Just Doesn’t Cut It

Posted in Office Hijinks at 8:34 pm by devilwearsbrooksbrothers

It’s not as if I have never screwed up before.  But I guess my mistakes were either not that catastrophic or, more likely, I just didn’t care about the results. 

However, when I screwed up at the new job recently, I cared. 

There I was, sitting back, enjoying the fact that I had just completed a brand new task recently assigned to me.  Something I have never done before.  Okay, maybe I was gloating a bit, when an e-mail popped up in the corner of my screen indicating that I had made a mistake and now someone was mad. 

Mind you, it wasn’t a big mistake.  I sent something to someone that didn’t necessarily need to see it and that someone let me know it in a not very nice manner. 

What made the minor mishap snowball into a major catastrophe was that there was no one around to tell me that it was okay.  New Boss was in an important meeting and Imelda was out to lunch.  

I dialed Mentor’s number. Mentor, who would want me to tell you that she is tall and skinny and blonde, had helped me with the project.  I was sure she would have comforting words of wisdom for me and everything would be all right.

“Devil, it really isn’t that big a deal.  Just print out the e-mail, leave it for New Boss and he will probably call the guy to apologize.  You won’t be fired.  Trust me.”

And at first I believed her. 

But then my brain started working up possible worst-case scenarios.  What if This Guy was a really important contact for the firm and my one nuisance e-mail has sent him over the edge, and right now he was drafting a letter saying he never wanted to do business with us again?  Or maybe he was on the phone with the partner in charge and they were trying to figure out why the heck they hired me in the first place?  Maybe This Guy is the same guy that writes all the nasty comments about me on this blog and he has been waiting for me to screw up so he could expose me to the world as a big, dumb fraud. 

By the time Imelda got back from wherever the heck she was, I had settled upon the fact that This Guy and New Boss served in the Vietnam War together and once, in the middle of the jungle, with the enemy all around them and shrapnel in his leg, This Guy carried an unconscious New Boss to safety and New Boss has “owed him once since” and now This Guy was going to cash in that chip by asking that I be fired for inconveniencing him with my nonsense e-mail.

Mind you, I don’t think New Boss is old enough to have served in Vietnam, but it doesn’t matter.  See how sometimes having a great imagination works against me?

Imelda stopped in to see if I was okay, and I told her the whole awful story. 

She laughed and said it would take a lot more than that to get fired from here.  She started to walk away.

I have really big blue eyes and when I am terrified, they are even bigger, which makes people want to help me. 

Imelda sat back down.  “Okay, I’ll e-mail him and tell him he needs to put out a small fire.  He will respond to me. “

I blinked a couple of times

“It’s going to be okay.”

After several e-mails back and forth, New Boss was fully apprised of the situation and confirmed that it really wasn’t a big deal.  The big jerk even laughed at my anxiety over the whole affair.  As a punishment he told me I had to go to confession. 

Since I am only pretty sure that any church I stepped foot into would immediately be set on fire, I met up at a neighborhood bar with Lauren instead.  Bartenders are like confessors, sort of.



  1. Faitful Reader said,

    Yawn. Where’s the sex, lies and streaming video? Your office must be completely boring….

    Enough about you, talk about them!

  2. Fox Blockhead said,

    Maybe a condition of the Devil’s hiring is that she is not allowed to write about colleagues. I heard through the grapevine that she was not the most beloved staffer at her former place of employ for said reason. I do agree, though, that the juicy stuff was what used to make this blog worth reading!

  3. First off, FB, I am loved everywhere I go. So whoever it is that told you I wasn’t a beloved staffer is a liar. In fact, I heard a rumor that plans were in place to seal off my old cubicle and declare it a firm historic site.

    As for the sex, the lies and the videotape on the new place, it will come. I promise. I am just still in the honeymoon phase here. Everything is still great, terrific and wonderful. However, I am sure the cracks in the veneer will show through soon and I will most certainly write about them when they do.

  4. Pioneering said,

    Devil, your old cubicle is sealed off. It has been declared a historic site and we would willingly open it up if you were to agree to come back!

  5. Kick-ass Former Co-worker said,

    The grapevine? What grapevine? I’m happy to say that s/he of the apropos name, Fox Blockhead, is woefully ignorant of the Devil’s former employer. She is greatly missed and I shed a tear each time I pass her old desk. We even built a monument to her out of mashed potatoes, but, alas, were forced to take it down when we realized that it looked more like the bastard child of Richard Dreyfuss’s “Close Encounters” sculpture and the Stay-Puft Marshmallow-Man, rather than the incomparable Devil.

  6. William Shakespeare said,

    Me think thee and – thouse former colleagues – doth protest too much. It was, after all, thee who contemplated life as a tavern lass before finding a new employer. It was not all bliss…and we in the know know it….

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