July 12, 2007

The Tragically Hip

Posted in Office Hijinks at 3:16 pm by devilwearsbrooksbrothers

I have been laboring under a huge misconception. 

All these years that I was typing out dictation I assumed the lawyers doing the dictating were all dorks.  I was convinced that all the cool guys and gals from high school went on to be doctors or investment bankers or professional wrestlers.  Or if they couldn’t make it in any of those professions, they were the hot high school teacher that the current senior class was fantasizing about. 

I guess some of them grew up to be cops and firefighters too.  Really any profession that has had a calendar or a Harlequin romance novel written about it.

Lawyers, I assumed, were those kids that weren’t cool.  That all sat at the same lunch table talking about comic books and science fiction movies.  They had a real knack for memorization and a spite for all things unfair and uncontrollable, like acne and premature baldness.

Now, keep in mind that I heart dorks.  In fact I am a secret dork.  Well, maybe not so secret as I think most of my friends suspect as much, so when I say I worked with a bunch of dorks before, believe me, I counted myself lucky.  Further, I have always really felt Veronica Sawyer’ s pain when she says to Christian Slater’s character in Heathers “You know what I want?  Cool Guys like you out of my life.”  Of course she said this while blowing JD away with a gun.  I don’t have any intention of taking such drastic measures.  Yet.   

But it seems that my assumption that only dorky high school kids go on to get law degrees was a mistake.  Don’t get me wrong, this profession does have its plethora of uncool.  Still, it seems, some cools kids did go to law school.  And apparently they then all went on to find employment at my new firm.

There I was in the elevator, taking my iPod off, for the most part minding my own business when Some Guy 1 got on the elevator and said hello to Some Guy 2.  They started chatting and before Some Guy 2 got off the elevator they had plans to golf together.  Some Guy 2 said, “Yeah, definitely give me a call.  We’ll get together and chase after our balls.”  This comment was immediately followed by a fist pound. 

Then, Some Guy 2 chuckled a bit, winked at me and left the elevator. 

Okay, maybe I am making up the wink, but the two did fist pound before the second one walked out.  Worse than watching two grown men fist pound, this was not the first time I heard this very same conversation.  I was in the eleventh grade, sitting in Western Civ waiting for whatever that teacher’s name was to get class started, and the Mike to my left and the Mike in front of me were discussing the upcoming weekend and the possibility of going to the LVCC to play 18 holes.  Understand, I went to school with about 40,000 Mikes; all of them were cool and all of them were friends.  Mike to my left mentioned chasing their balls and Mike in front of me waited for me to react. 

Back then I simply sighed and longed for the day when I would be surrounded by more mature, more intellectually stimulating men. 

Back in the elevator I sighed and realized just how much I missed Favorite Associate and our discussions about art and 1940s musicals and British sketch comedy and P.G. Wodehouse.  

Mind you, this has me very worried.  Not only are cool guys less interesting as a whole,  which could mean real trouble for this blog, but friends of mine have been perusing my new firm’s website looking for potential new boyfriends.  I don’t know how I feel about fixing up my friends with these new co-workers.  Scientists have yet to isolate the a-hole gene; however, they do note it is more common in cool guys. 


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