July 19, 2007

The Accidental Date

Posted in Office Hijinks at 5:21 pm by devilwearsbrooksbrothers

I may have accidentally broken my rule about dating co-workers last week.  

It was a really nice Friday and I had dressed particularly sharp just in case I bumped into Loophole (the summer associate I am allowed to have a crush on because he’s not an attorney yet) in the elevator or the lobby. 

I spent most of the morning emailing friends, trying to convince them that they really wanted to go to happy hour that night, while simultaneously trying to tap into my spidey-senses to determine where Loophole would be live at five. The email icon popped into the corner of my desktop and I clicked on it fearing another rejection from a friend cool enough to be going down to the shore that weekend. 

Instead, I found an email from Counselor, a co-worker introduced to me by L.  He noted that it was a lovely day and asked if there was anyway I could escape from my desk for lunch. We had witty email banter back and forth and decided to grab lunch outside somewhere.

Lunch was fun, more laughing and some discussion of politics and then the bill came and he took it. Odd, for a friendly lunch.  I would have raised an eyebrow (if I could raise just one) but instead I thanked him and put my pocketbook back down.

As we were making the long walk back to work he made a comment about having fun and wanting to do it again. Now, I have only been on maybe seven dates, but this part, this part about having fun and getting together again seemed to be how each of them ended. 

Confused, I called my sister who goes on more dates than anyone else I know.

“Hey Sister, what’s up?”

“Hey Devil, how are you?” 

“Not so good.  I think I just went on a date with a guy I work with.”  

“Oh, remember the time I accidentally went out with IT Guy?” 

“Yeah, well, it was a lot like that.”

“Did he pay?”


“Then it was a date.”

“What?  No.  I have had lunch with Old Boss and he always paid and those were never dates.”  

“Yes, but he was your boss.  And you were celebrating.”  

“Not always.  Sometimes we just had lunch just because and he would pay.”  

“It was different.  Those were not dates.”  

“They had better not have been.  Old Boss is married.”

There was some silence as I think we both mulled over my current situation. I remembered the last time I was accidentally on date with a co-worker.  He was engaged to be married so I thought I was safe.  Then he told me he wanted to sleep with me and I realized I was not in my happy place.  I thought about it some more, and that guy didn’t pay.  

I was just about the mention this when Sister asked, “So what are you going to do about it?”

I bit the side of my lip and shrugged my shoulders.  “Nothing; just wait and see what happens next.”  

Because, I mean, if he calls or emails asking to go out for lunch again, clearly this means he just wants to be friends.  I never get asked out on a second date.


July 12, 2007

The Tragically Hip

Posted in Office Hijinks at 3:16 pm by devilwearsbrooksbrothers

I have been laboring under a huge misconception. 

All these years that I was typing out dictation I assumed the lawyers doing the dictating were all dorks.  I was convinced that all the cool guys and gals from high school went on to be doctors or investment bankers or professional wrestlers.  Or if they couldn’t make it in any of those professions, they were the hot high school teacher that the current senior class was fantasizing about. 

I guess some of them grew up to be cops and firefighters too.  Really any profession that has had a calendar or a Harlequin romance novel written about it.

Lawyers, I assumed, were those kids that weren’t cool.  That all sat at the same lunch table talking about comic books and science fiction movies.  They had a real knack for memorization and a spite for all things unfair and uncontrollable, like acne and premature baldness.

Now, keep in mind that I heart dorks.  In fact I am a secret dork.  Well, maybe not so secret as I think most of my friends suspect as much, so when I say I worked with a bunch of dorks before, believe me, I counted myself lucky.  Further, I have always really felt Veronica Sawyer’ s pain when she says to Christian Slater’s character in Heathers “You know what I want?  Cool Guys like you out of my life.”  Of course she said this while blowing JD away with a gun.  I don’t have any intention of taking such drastic measures.  Yet.   

But it seems that my assumption that only dorky high school kids go on to get law degrees was a mistake.  Don’t get me wrong, this profession does have its plethora of uncool.  Still, it seems, some cools kids did go to law school.  And apparently they then all went on to find employment at my new firm.

There I was in the elevator, taking my iPod off, for the most part minding my own business when Some Guy 1 got on the elevator and said hello to Some Guy 2.  They started chatting and before Some Guy 2 got off the elevator they had plans to golf together.  Some Guy 2 said, “Yeah, definitely give me a call.  We’ll get together and chase after our balls.”  This comment was immediately followed by a fist pound. 

Then, Some Guy 2 chuckled a bit, winked at me and left the elevator. 

Okay, maybe I am making up the wink, but the two did fist pound before the second one walked out.  Worse than watching two grown men fist pound, this was not the first time I heard this very same conversation.  I was in the eleventh grade, sitting in Western Civ waiting for whatever that teacher’s name was to get class started, and the Mike to my left and the Mike in front of me were discussing the upcoming weekend and the possibility of going to the LVCC to play 18 holes.  Understand, I went to school with about 40,000 Mikes; all of them were cool and all of them were friends.  Mike to my left mentioned chasing their balls and Mike in front of me waited for me to react. 

Back then I simply sighed and longed for the day when I would be surrounded by more mature, more intellectually stimulating men. 

Back in the elevator I sighed and realized just how much I missed Favorite Associate and our discussions about art and 1940s musicals and British sketch comedy and P.G. Wodehouse.  

Mind you, this has me very worried.  Not only are cool guys less interesting as a whole,  which could mean real trouble for this blog, but friends of mine have been perusing my new firm’s website looking for potential new boyfriends.  I don’t know how I feel about fixing up my friends with these new co-workers.  Scientists have yet to isolate the a-hole gene; however, they do note it is more common in cool guys. 

July 2, 2007

Welcome to the First Ever Klemmy’s

Posted in Blog Backlash, Lawyer Lifestyles, Public Service Announcement at 8:38 pm by devilwearsbrooksbrothers

So apparently some of you don’t think I am very funny, some of you think I’m whiney and at least one of you thinks you may end up like me in 5 to 10 years.  Still not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing, but in an effort to win some of you back I am offering my first ever list of the best things in Center City.   

See, I know at least some of you are new to this city, whether that is because you just moved here from law school or because you are summering here.  Some of you may have even moved here because of a significant other.  Well, moving is hard and learning a new city is even harder, not that I know from first-hand experience, but I hear these things.   

So, here are my observations on where to eat and hang out since that is what I do a lot of in Philadelphia.  Maybe farther down the road I will offer suggestions on where to go to see a show or the best place to buy flowers after you screwed around on your girlfriend.  Maybe.  For now, I will stick with what I know: food and drink.     

The best part, if you don’t agree with me you can say so.  I only ask that if you think I messed up, tell me why.  Give me an alternative.  I will try it and let you know why you are wrong.  Other readers can try both and agree with me.  This way everyone wins. And we like that right?  Everyone winning.  

Best Dunkin’ Donuts 

This is a no brainer.  The Dunkin Donuts in the concourse located between the ATM machines and a salad shop, across from the bookstore, underneath 4 Penn Center. Yes it always has a huge line, but they fly through that line like it was their jobs.  I guess because it is. 

Best Sandwich

Nodding Head’s Muffaletta.  I know a lot of you may disagree with this,  you may argue that choosing a sandwich that is not native to the area is just wrong, but I don’t care.  This thing is heaven on a boule roll. 

Second Best Sandwich

Café Loftus’ The Elvis. It’s got peanut butter, it’s got bananas and it’s got honey all toasted to gooey perfection on your choice of bread.  And at less than $4.00, what is there not to love? 

Best Pizza

Dolce and Carini’s white slice.  At 20th and Chestnut this is a bit of a hike for some of you.  But if you love garlic and ricotta cheese, trust me it is worth it. 

Best Burger 

Good Dog.  If I didn’t ruffle your feathers with the muffaletta, this choice for best burger may.  But I am sorry, they stuff their burgers with Roquefort cheese.  There is no other word for that but awesome.   I’m not giving them best mussels or best fries or even best beer selection.  Not that those are categories this time around, but those are all the categories their number one competitor for best burger would surely win. 

Best Summer Happy Hour

Mexican Post.  The food is not great, the layout is awkward and the service is deplorable.  But with $3.00 margaritas the size of your head, you can overlook all those other things.  Plus the outside patio is nice as long as it isn’t too hazy hot and humid in the city. 

Oh and be advised that these are just my opinions formed over 10 years of trial and error.  There was no official voting or polling or sampling done and these views certainly don’t express the views of my editor or this publication.

Also, if you have a nut allergy, don’t get the Elvis Pressley as it is made with peanuts and therefore could kill you.

I would really hate to see that happen to most of you.