May 17, 2007

Dead Legal Assistant Walking

Posted in Lessons Learned, Office Hijinks at 4:37 pm by devilwearsbrooksbrothers

Boss is very fond of saying, “You are dead to me.” 

I think this phrase first reared its ugly head in Colorado when spoken to a pizzeria owner that didn’t have the dessert Boss was fond of.  Since then, it has taken over our office; a joke that if you disappoint the one in charge, he will no longer know you. 

I expected this very reaction from Boss when I told him I was leaving.

That’s right kids; I am saying good-bye to the world of the midsized law firm and heading towards greener pastures.  And the night before I told my boss, I had the craziest dream.  When my alarm finally went off, I went down stairs and joined Lauren for a cup of coffee.  I told her about my dream.

“That is a classic anxiety dream.”

“I know.”

“But you conquered your anxiety in the end,” she offered.

I nodded and bit my lip.

“Who is Mike in the dream?” 

“Just some kid I went to high school with.”

“I see, and did you like Mike?”

“Of course, all the girls did.”

“Do you think Mike represents Boss?”


“Interesting, and what do you think the lion represents?”

Okay, so she didn’t ask those last few questions, but I know everyone out there thinks that is what living with a therapist is like.  And I hate to disappoint an audience.  However, I assure you she is not like this at home.

So I got dressed and managed to get to work early.  I sat at my desk, letter and copies in hand.  As if toying with me, Boss stayed on the phone for the next hour.  At one point I wanted to march in, take the receiver from his hand and hang up on whomever he was speaking to. 

I refrained.

When he was done and my announcement made, I was shocked by his coolness.  He took it all in stride and I think he was genuinely happy for me.  Best of all, he never uttered those five dreaded words. 

The news disbursed slowly at first.  Patient came by to tell me she wouldn’t be talking to me again until my happy hour, when she will have finally accepted my leaving and we would once again be friends.

Preserving just gave me a look that almost brought me to tears.  Then she walked away. 

Pioneering let me know that my resignation letter was denied and that I would have to stick around until she approved my leave. 

Most everyone else asked me about where I was going and what I would be doing and then congratulated me.  Adding that they knew it was coming. 

However, once the news was out, I felt awkward roaming the hallways.  Everyone’s sideways looks as if I were abandoning ship struck me as funny.  I didn’t get nearly so many hellos or offers to stop and chat awhile about nothing in particular.  It was as if there wasn’t any point of forging ahead with a friendship because I wasn’t going to be around after Memorial Day.  I started to worry that I would never again hear from these individuals that I have spent the last five years getting to know.  The idea that maybe we weren’t friends, but merely colleagues hit me hard. 

Then again, maybe they just thought it was too soon and my legs entirely too pale to be wearing a skirt sans stockings.

I got home that day, relieved that what I thought would be the worst was finally over.  Lauren and I sat on our front stoop with a glass of wine and I told her how it went. 

“It sounds as if they are relieved that you’re leaving.”  Lauren joked.

I rolled my eyes.  “No, I think they will miss me.  I just think they know that this is for the best.”

“And he didn’t cry or throw a tantrum or offer you more money?”

I shook my head.

“And how does that make you feel?”



  1. Nora said,

    um, okay. This is now officially my favorite post of yours.
    Congrats on the new job!!

    p.s. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to live with a therapist!

  2. Pioneering said,

    You must have forgotten, your request for a “transfer” has been denied. You are not going anywhere.

  3. Jenifer said,

    I am so happy for you!

    by the way, if you stop writing this blog I will hunt you down…

  4. Avid Reader said,

    Yadda…yadda…yadda…who cares? P-legals come and go and are a dime-a-dozen…

  5. Avid Reader said,

    Wait, you aren’t even a P-legal… BIG YAWWWWWNNNNNNN….

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