April 19, 2007

Sound Off. One. Two.

Posted in Public Service Announcement at 5:38 pm by devilwearsbrooksbrothers

 As those of you who read last week’s column know, I am currently trying to complete my high school’s service hour requirements so I can once and for all feel good about graduating.  (For those of you who didn’t catch last week’s column but wish to do so, check out www.younglawyeronline.com)

So, this weekend I was sitting around trying to figure out just how I could be of use to my community. Coming up with zeroes I decided to pop over to Craigslist as it is my favorite form of procrastination. I read through the missed connections, always my first stop, when I came across a post that could have been about me.

And not just because I am a narcissist but because the majority of those posts are so purposefully vague they could be about anyone.

I thought about responding. The post reminded me of a boy I used to have feelings for and I guess it was more I wanted the post to be from him than for it to be about me. I thought about what I would say in response. It has been so long and I have had so many feelings that my initial reaction was to ask him what right he had after all these years.

But then it hit me, I was actually okay. I wasn’t angry or hurt anymore. I was confused, but really I had gotten over the fact that I was never going to know what the heck really happened a long time ago.

And then reality sunk in and I remember this post wasn’t from him. I have a very vivid fantasy life.

Still, I had this whole thing to say and no one to say it to. Which is when it occurred to me, if I, a person who has a real problem not saying exactly what she is thinking at the exact moment she is thinking it, has all these leftover things to get off her chest, I bet there are others out there, just as desperate for a sounding board.

So, in an effort to spread goodwill and clear up any debt to society I may owe, I am offering this page to you to tell whomever, whatever.

Here, I will go first.

I’m okay. I wasn’t at first. I was confused and then angry and then crazy and then desperate (and maybe those last two are one in the same) for a while. And then there was a time when all I wanted was an answer as to why. But I got over that as well. The truth is, I don’t want to know why because it may be that it was all just lies and you were just using me and if that is the case, then that ruins you for me. And I don’t want you ruined. I don’t want to have to hate you. Because you are a part of who I am today. And for that I am grateful.

Okay, now your turn. Let ’em have it; whether it is a former flame, your current significant other or your miserable boss. And don’t worry about them ever seeing it. The only other person who ever actually reads this page is my mom and she’s not going to tell.


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