March 29, 2007

Something Gets Lost in the Translation

Posted in Uncategorized at 1:37 pm by devilwearsbrooksbrothers

Late last week Junior –appropriately named for reasons I can’t get into without divulging her true identity but just know that I am exactly 11 months and 22 days her senior–and I were out at happy hour.  Oddly enough it was neither happy nor just one hour, as we both just completed bad days and needed to unload.

I went first.

Recently I have taken on the responsibility of an additional partner.  New Partner is really nice and funny, but he treats me like I’m only working with six or seven IQ points. 

“I don’t understand why I am treated like I am stupid simply because I didn’t go to law school.  To tell you the truth, I think that decision makes me the smarter of the two of us.  Oh, no offense,” I turned to Junior. 

Junior gave me her obligatory pout slash head tilt and responded, “I understand.” 

“Okay your turn.” I took my glass and gulped heavily. 

Junior and her Beau were struggling with communicating.  She tells him one thing, he does the exact opposite and then they get into a fight because he argues he was just doing what she wanted and nothing is ever good enough for her. Meanwhile, it is not what she wanted. 

As I sat there, my brain just waking up from the long nap it took while I worked all day, something about Junior’s situation sounded eerily familiar. 

“So we were supposed to go away this weekend, but it snowed.  So I called him to tell him to forget it and what does he do?  He drives 45 minutes to pick me up and he is angry because he was made to drive in that crazy weather.”

Eureka. What, readers you don’t see what is going on here?  Well, to me and my well rested mind it was as clear as the balls on a tall dog.  And so I explained it to Junior. 

Beau had been dating for say 15 years.  And for those 15 years he had probably faced his fair share of silly girls; girls that say one thing but mean something totally different.  Early on he learned that when a girl said, “I’m fine.” she really wasn’t and he had better hustle to figure out just what he did to tick her off. 

Fast forward to today.  He is a healthy, 30 year old male, proud because he has cracked the code.  Except now, most of those Silly Girls are married off and or evolved into a new breed of women.  Women, like Junior, who know what they want and are tired of playing games to get it.  But Beau doesn’t know this yet.  So, when Junior said, “sure, I was looking forward to this weekend, but it is not worth risking our lives on the Blue Route to get there,” he heard, “If you love me you will pick me up right now.”  

Junior’s eyes grew large, which happens a lot to people when I start imparting my wisdom.  “Oh my god, you’re right.  And when I told him I didn’t want roses on Valentines Day.” 

“He heard, ‘I would like 2 dozen’.”

She sat there silent for a moment, “And you know this is the same thing that is happening to you?” 

I sat back and shook my head.  Silly Junior, I am not in a relationship and when I am, I never struggle with communication problems; I was a communications major for goodness sake.

“With New Partner,” she continued.  “His old assistant is Pretty.  He still thinks he needs to write things down, read them to you and then follow up with an email detailing what it is you have to do.” 

Huh.  Okay, so maybe sometimes I’m just pretty. 

We both slunk back in our seats.  “We’re screwed.” was all Junior could muster before finishing her wine.  What were we to do?  Junior really likes this guy and I am not qualified to work anywhere else.   

Then, from deep inside, a spring of optimism or masochism or both, welled up and straightened my spine.   “We’re not screwed.”  I shook my head and turned in my barstool.  “We know what the problem is, and as my good friend GI Joe used to say, knowing is half the battle.” 

Now for the second half, well that if for another time.  I mean, we have to come up with it first



  1. snaillady2 said,

    Ah, Junior, just wait until you have a guy tell you he is having issues in the relationship because you are not manipulative enough! True story. He couldn’t handle that I actually told him truthfully what I was thinking when he asked, told him the things that annoyed me and the things I liked, and didn’t BS my way around issues. [insert your own Jack Nicholson “you can’t handle the truth!” here] The relationship didn’t last, but on the plus side, the sex was great–there were no “opposite days” in that aspect!

    Looking forward to a follow up, as I have never successfully dealt with a guy who is in perma opposite day mode.

  2. Snail Lady you may be my favorite commenter yet for your ability to work in “A Few Good Men” reference; and keep in mind my mom posts on here so that is saying a lot. As for the follow up, well, don’t hold your breath. All we got so far is the whole patience is a virtue a thing. However, Junior did send me an email stating she had an interesting revelation this past weekend, so a cure could be just a happy hour away.

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