November 16, 2006

Help Me! Somebody Please Help Me!

Posted in Office Hijinks at 3:55 pm by devilwearsbrooksbrothers

As part of our big move extravaganza, our firm is having a wine and cheese gathering for everyone, tomorrow night in our boardroom. I suppose it is to provide us with a chance to unwind, enjoy and appreciate all that we have.


And of course say thank you to everyone for their patience and cooperation.


As I may have mentioned before, I work for the Administrative Partner. He has already expressed some anxiety about this wine and cheese event, including whether or not anyone is going to show.  I’ve been around this block enough to know that in asking me “Do you think anyone will come?”  what he really means is: “You had better be there


But he can’t actually make me attend. I mean, I have the half-marathon to run this weekend and I am dog-sitting for my sister, so I really have two great (and true) excuses to get out of this thing. There is just a part of me that would hate to bail on him; you know the team-player, good sport part of me that feels guilty for leaving him on his own.


After all, what sort of message does it send when I don’t attend?


Meanwhile, the last wine and cheese event I attended got pretty ugly.  Managing partners drinking, summer associates slurring and me, left to clean up after them all. As you know, I am not that great at faking my way through these sorts of things as my face always gets in the way. Plus there is the issue of this blog and column.


See, at these sorts of events, be it loosely run group meetings, happy hours or impromptu lunches, inevitably my blog comes up in conversation. And not in a, “oh hey have your read this one’s blog? It’s so funny.”sort of way. I mean in a biting, spiteful and sometimes angry, “watch what you say around her, she will write it all down,” general warning kind of way.


And then fun stops happening around me. Everyone gets a little apprehensive and moves to the areas furthest from me. They start drinking more and suddenly some girl from another floor is hanging on me saying, “Oh my god, I’m so embarrassed. But you won’t write about this, right? See, I love you. You are just so honest. That is what I love about you.”


Sure, it all sounds good and could make for some pretty interesting writing, but at the end of the day, it isn’t even good blog material as things start happening that are so crazy to write about it would be borderline defamation. 


Not to mention it is really bad form to write in detail what people do when they are drunk. It isn’t as if I have spent my 28 years stone cold sober. I can’t count the number of times I have woken up, thankful that a camera wasn’t around the prior night. Google Imaging my name might be a completely different story.


But, back to my dilemma. Do I stay, or do I go (home)? It would be nice to have a free drink after a grueling work week. However, this drink wouldn’t really be free. My boss would appreciate my attending, but I don’t think he would be able to relax as he watched certain co-workers behavior and saw my eyes grow wide with columns that will never be published.


Maybe I will just call in sick and avoid the whole freakin’ mess. Anybody know what that weather is supposed to be like tomorrow?  I prefer to use my sick days when it’s nice outside.


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