November 6, 2006

The Return of a Former Assistant

Posted in Office Hijinks at 4:23 pm by devilwearsbrooksbrothers

Recently, Senor Creepy brought his old paralegal to show off the new space.  Senor’s new paralegal seemed more than a little miffed as he was walking around introducing her to new and old staff alike.  It could be because she had a dozen letters for him to sign or the fact that she had planned to have cake for his birthday an hour and a half ago.  

As they sat in his office reminiscing about the good ol’ days, his new paralegal stood outside his door, tapping her toe and suggesting they had real work to do.

You hear stories and there is a history, cases and discovery that the two of you will never share.  And then there are the letters she left behind; her initials next to his at the bottom of an old correspondence.  

I stepped past the seething new paralegal and into my boss’s office. He must have smelled the tension because he asked what I had told the new paralegal about the old one. 

Sure, there are a number of juicy details I could have given the new girl to stoke her fire, but I didn’t.  My boss has such little faith in me.

I responded that I think there is just natural tension there.

He eyed me quizzically.

You know an old assistant that is still buddy-buddy with the boss, it has to make a new girl wonder.  

He still wasn’t picking up what I was putting down. “Like last Christmas when you went out to lunch with your old assistant and told me that you were going to offer her her old job. And I told you she could have it,” I said.“That sounds like a smart ass thing you would say,” he replied.“It’s like that.”

I turned and left the room.  Little did I know this would have him worrying and not billing the rest of the afternoon.

He came out later.  “I took you to lunch last week,” he said.   

“I know.”  

“Are you mad that I didn’t take you to lunch for the holidays?”

I shook my head.  “No you got me a really lovely pocketbook.”

“That’s right.  And I think I know you well enough to know you would prefer a pocketbook to having lunch with me.”

And he’s right I would.

I should have gone on to assure him that it is really quite impractical for me to get jealous of all the women that sat at this desk before me.  I could spend entire days wondering if he liked any one of them more than me, when the truth is that none of them lasted long enough for him to form an opinion.  Well, except that one that he insists on having lunch with on occasion.  

Still, the whole thing reminds me of being out with a boyfriend and running into his ex-girlfriend.  You try to like her.  You force a smile, ask the appropriate, polite questions and compliment on her eyes, knowing yours are nicer.   

In the best case scenarios you part ways, shortly thereafter.  You spend the next couple of days going over all the stories you know about her, now with a face for her name.  Worst case scenario she sticks around and hangs out and they laugh and joke and re-tell stories as you sit there drinking too fast and wondering why they ever split up. 

When Senor finally introduced the two paralegals it was nothing but polite civility.  Well, until the new paralegal cut off the old paralegal to ask Senor about bills that had to go out that day.  While her back was to me, I could tell by her shoulders that she was smirking at the older woman.    

So, I imagine it is just as awkward in the reverse, being the old flame.  But here I am also fortunate since my boss is my first real boss and most of my ex-boyfriends are out of the closet and their current boyfriends love me.  

And by love me I mean are grateful for and pity me.

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1 Comment »

  1. bob said,

    thinking of doing a philly rowing issue any thoughts? Guest Editor? cheers


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