August 17, 2006

Here’s To Me, Ms. Klem

Posted in Office Hijinks at 3:09 pm by devilwearsbrooksbrothers

I have always had a thing for younger guys.  I mean since I can remember I have liked guys younger than me.  Friends have stories about crushes on their older brother’s friends.  Not me, I had crushes on my younger brother’s friends.  As such, in the past, when we have hired a file clerk, the joke amongst ourselves was that each was a birthday present to me from the hiring committee.  Oh, don’t click your tongues at me, nothing has ever happened; and by nothing I mean, nothing more than a little shameless flirting. 

However, something alarming happened to me this summer.  No, they didn’t hire a female file clerk. Well they did, but it was in addition to the male one.  No, for the first time since being with the firm, I didn’t immediately develop a crush on the clerk. 

Now, being as objective as possible, Cabbage Patch, named for his baby face, is a very crush-worthy clerk.  He is tall with broad shoulders and a nice bottom and he has kind, blue eyes.  He has a good voice and never exhibited any disgusting habits like picking his nose or laughing like a hyena and did I mention it seems he may have had a crush on me.  So, I mean he has good taste. 

Last week I celebrated another birthday.  Over the course of the year I had found myself attracted to guys my own age and even (gasp) older guys.  Still I wasn’t ready to admit that I was giving up on the younger men until this much younger man started showing signs of having a crush on me and I didn’t even notice.  Worse, when it was pointed out to me I didn’t care.  Rather, I cared, but in an “ahh how cute kinda way.”  Not an “oh, he’s kinda hot way.”

Readers, understand Cabbage Patch may or may not actually have a crush on me.  By the time this is posted he will be gone from our firm having never expressed any desire for me.  He hasn’t even so much as suggested a drink after work.  But the important thing here is that my uncontrollable desire is to pinch his face, not suggest we go out for a milkshake, with two straws, and sit across from each other in a booth and just sip on our milkshake and maybe let our feet touch.

I used to be a huge proponent of having a crush.  There is something so healthy and freeing about having silly thoughts about someone you can never be with, or if actually given the opportunity, you wouldn’t be with.  Think about a young high school teacher, or a friend’s parent, or more currently, a local bartender.  These individuals are good looking, and nice to you, but it couldn’t or wouldn’t work out.  Still when you see the individual and a chill goes up your spine, your whole day is brightened and better; its just, for a lack of a better word, awesome.

But the rush of a crush does not compare to the one gets from being the object of a crush;   I’m not gonna lie and I will try not to gush.  (Apparently it makes you a huge fan of rhyming as well).  And even though in the back of my head, somewhere, I recognize that this role reversal is another indication that I am getting older, still the idea that this boy, okay man, but just barely, could have the hots for me makes me feel that much better about getting another year older.  After all what says “I still got it” more than the 22-year old-file clerk thinking I’m cute?



  1. Chris said,

    Hi, I like your column. I hate to do this, but I think it’s “I used to be…,” as opposed to “I use to be….” I could be wrong.

  2. You were the kid in high school that corrected the teacher when he (she) made a mistake on the blackboard, weren’t you? I’m kidding.
    Other readers, no Chris isn’t crazy, I really did have a grammar gaffe, however as you can see it has been fixed, thanks to Chris.

  3. none said,

    I think Chris has a bit too much time on his hands.

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