June 8, 2006

Some Have Skeletons In Their Closets; Others Have Sex Toys

Posted in Office Hijinks at 7:31 pm by devilwearsbrooksbrothers

Occasionally, during our lunch hour, a friend and I will go to Love Park, sit with the Philadelphia Weekly open to the Anything Goes ads and try to determine who from our law office placed each ad.  Everyone has a secret life outside the office; it is a good way to waste an hour, imagining what each one’s is.  And yes, it is also funny to imagine that the quiet, reserved senior partner likes to dress up like a little girl and get spanked. 

However, sometimes we are not left to our imaginations.  Sometimes co-workers bring their secret lives into the office.  People yelling at loved ones on the phone, sharing too much information on the elevator, or every now and again an office romance will boil over and we will all get to hear just why things aren’t working out. 

Still other times, beyond the telling about having an undisclosed number of shots in the backside for some unnamed ailment and past what some people deem acceptable on denim day is the moment that is just too good to have to wait until Anything Goes Lunch to share.  I was sitting at my desk, wondering how it is a guy friend of mine, who is touring Europe, managed to only make friends with females thus far, when my phone rang.  It was a member of my editorial committee commanding me to another member’s office immediately. 

When I got there, she handed me a business card.  It was that of a sales representative for adult toys, massage oils, edible lotions, books games, novelties and lingerie.    My face contorted to express shock, horror, disbelief and finally understanding.  “This is a joke right?”  I handed the card back to my co-worker. 

“No.”  She responded but didn’t take the card.

I looked at the card again.  It just didn’t make any sense.  Understand I see nothing wrong with being a sales representative for sex toys.  I have even been to a sex toy demonstration party, much like a Tupperware party, with friends.  What I couldn’t believe was that the name on the card.  This quiet, upright, church going, family activity endorsing co-worker organized sex toy parties in her spare time.  I couldn’t imagine handing this person a business card like the one I was holding; the knowledge that she handed it to my friend, I just couldn’t take it.

I felt woozy. 

Maybe I was jealous. 

I am only pretty sure that if our office was polled as to who was most likely to be a sex toys demonstrator, my name would be leading the pack.  Not that that is something to be proud of, or even something my mom and dad are going to enjoy reading (hi, mom and dad).  But this knowledge that my secret life outside the office was not nearly as interesting as this girl’s, well it just made me really glad my male friend was currently touring Europe.  It frees up my spare time, leaving me with plenty of opportunity to go out and do something scandalous – like volunteer at a soup kitchen.  The management committee won’t see that one coming.

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1 Comment »

  1. Ipsnok nnoot flameaknon. Kleltobneefot, norp neeglik… ifglipni, fezt!

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